I'm floating around upside down

So by running around doing absolutely nothing I feel as if I must do something. So here I am writing my blog. So look at the weirdness that is my awe/zombie face. I've been trying to find something that inspires me to write or draw. But I'm hitting a wall...like the Great Wall of China sized wall. But now that I'm over break and have gotten all the work I needed done, well done. I find that I am still hitting this block.

So now I'm at work, as a security escort and well I'm utterly bored; and going a little crazy. Since being on campus barely a day I have spraned my knee and gotten reemed by a professor. It isn't as if I mean for these things to happen. They just do. So I'm mostly over it, the reeming was more over him worryng about my average. It's a D and it's Latin. So I am having issues keeping up with that material. But meh. We just hit passive voice before break, and it's killing my. The whole being told that passive voice is bad had killed my ability to understand it that well. So EPIC FAILURE!

Art wise I'm bursting at the edges. I've got tons of ideas and well not enough arms to do all of it. So I put things on the back burner and have pulled back a bit.

So I sewed an Octupus named Mr.Oliver Squiggles, he was an international buisness man and the first Cephalopod to ever go to college. He was sucessful and was living in Tokyo, but made the mistake of eating at a sushi restuarant, where he ate his uncle. Now he lives in shame in my bed as a Hobo Octopus but will give finacial advice if asked.He is very depressed though, so bring him a crab or some fish to cheer him up. K Thanks Bai. (I'll put a picture of him up soon)

Other than Mr.Oliver Squiggles I babysat a lot of my break, got peircings, a pedicure and well slept a lot more than I had been before break.

I got some spiffy new headphones that cancel out sound and are just plain awesome and satisfy my love of Base, and my hatered of earbuds. :D :D



Sparkle Sparkle! Are they cool...and spiffy? Enjoy that picture and it's shiney ness. They're Sennheiser HD 202 headphones. And Smashing Punpkins sounds awesome in them...which is what just came on. It's CRAZY! :D :D :D The BASE is making my brain explode.

A recount of my favorite movies and movies I'm looking forward to.

10. Alice in Wonderland (2010)

When it comes to fantastical movie that make my brain whir, Burton's Alice in Wonderland is tops. The mix of through the Looking Glass and other Alice related media makes it a whirl wind adventure. Beyond that I love the visuals, and the concept of the creatures and people of Underland. It sparks my mind and gets me drawing or writing depending on what comes from my crazy head.

9. Iron Man


Oh Iron Man, and Tony Stark you make me love you. Now originally I did not like Tony Stark. By Robert Downey Jr. just made me grin like a psycho while watching this. So I got roped in, but that doesn't mean I take his side in the Civil War. Screw you Tony, my heart is forever with Steve!

8. The Dark Knight


First things first...a small silence for Heath Ledger...okay it's been three years but it's still sad. But that is not why this is number eight in my favorite movies.The Joker...and how twisted is this, is my favorite comic book character. So I went to the midnight Showing...and had my brain blown away! It was delightfully twisted and heart pumping, even with Two face's quick rise and fall...which doesn't make sense to me.

7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1.



Okay I picked this poster for a reason. Even though I loved part 1, it feels just like when the last book came out. Bitter sweet sort of the end of a child hood. But I believe it was achieved perfectly. The reason I used this poster was because this scene, with the doe made me cry from happiness. That is a rare thing, as I went to the midnight showing. I'm sad it's ending but it is so great.

6.Boondock Saints



Well yes. The epic battle of mob vs. twin hot Irish brothers. Win. The plot, though interlaced with cursing every other line which is the 90's style. It is a great movie to watch if you want great action, mixed with comedy from sibling idiocy. I love it for this reason. It had a great plot mixed with the right amount of laughs.

5. Fanboys


This movie makes me laugh hysterically. This is nerd life, and it's great. The movie about a bunch of friends doing something funny, but has an underlying heart warming theme. It is great.

4.Up



This movie is a great story of love and growth. I love it because it has a great story, and a great cast of characters. It shows family values, that you don't always have to be blood to be family.

3. Coraline



Coraline is the child from the brain of Neil Gaiman. Now I love this man's writing. So it isn't hard to reason why I love Coraline both the book and movie. The style of art though close to Nightmare before Christmas, has it's own whimsy feel. The story itself is dark and slightly twisted but plays on the childhood wishing for better parents. <3 it though.

2.Forrest Gump



So wild jump right? From all these fantasy action-y things to Forrest Gump. Something about this movie makes me smile every time I see it. It's such a moving story that can be carried through out the times. It has good morals and the ups and downs as a real life.

1. Ever After



Call me a hopeless romantic but...I love this movie with all my heart. I Love Drew so it shouldn't be surprising that I love this movie. The cast is great, and the story so well done that you can almost barely see the Cinderella story under it. I love the costuming and the over all feel. <3


Movies I look Forward to.

X-Men First Class


More back stories...yes please.

Capitan America



Oh Steve, you are finally making it to this scene. <3

Cowboys & Aliens



Just yes, I love the comic. So yes.

Transformers : The Dark of the Moon



Don't care what others say I love both transformers. They make my inner child happy.

Kungfu Panda 2



:D :D :D

Thor



It's Thor. That's that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there you go. Maybe I'll do another one of these for music, or tv.

Illustration and other art things

So even though Illustration totally kills my social time, I fell like I'm producing great art! I mean having to think things through and do things like that is making my brain explode. But mixed with ceramics I have a packed schedule...and craziness in my life.



This picture, i made up for this coming class on Tuesday. It took about Two hours and six sketches and a ton of frustration. But I like the end result.




This Ironman picture took about three hours of break down, and blocking before it was finished. This was less frustrating as I didn't need any actual words to be in it.

Other than these I've been doing small graphite drawings and whipping them out. They look so good, at least to me. But otherwise I feel pretty good, even though I sleep almost nothing. I WANT SLEEP. I was like naps. :D

To go on another rant. I am writing a Creative Story. It is a fantasy story that is sort of post-apocalyptic. It is turning out great and has some connections to Beowulf.



Though not Beowulf in reality, more descendants and wars. I'm trying to make it outstanding and it's hard. I have seven pages and I'm still attempting to hammer out the bumpy pieces. Though it's sort of coming together.

My life in general had been an up and down thing or craziness that just won't stop, but I'm trying to get away form people who are negative around me....but they keep on popping up.

Why do I bug myself?

Okay so today was the final critic, for painting....and although I'm really happy about my paintings, and my new (and shiny) major I can't help but wonder. WHERE the hell am I going? What is my goal, if the percentages that M.D. told us today are true. Can I really become a full time artist like I want to? I MEAN I want to but is it a possible thing for me to want to paint and draw and have gallery showings? Although i know my lifetime goal, to own and run a bookshop/cafe. I just have to find my way to that place. I'm going to work my ass off. That I know. But the struggle to move on up seems daunting right now. And it might be the stress of finals, and such but I bug myself about this thing.

I've never be a floater, able to just walked down any path. I'm a set in motion, plan type of girl. Which may seem weird...but I am. I know, that I will be doing so much shite this summer. Hopefully taking an art class at my local Community college, hopefully getting a job and painting and drawing my ass off. But I guess I'm looking in my own head...what do i want to do if I can't be a full time artist? (Because really, I don't want to be a real life Squidward)

So here I am staring at this text thing for my blog and filling it with useless things that my brain sputters out. Sort of like an exhaust pipe. I have photoshop open on a blank file...and NADA. Nope nothing swims to the surface of my mind. But I guess that is life. A lot of people seem to think I need my plans set in stone (including myself) but so many people seem to go with the flow.

Now I'm rambling. My own worries to you poor, poor reader. So here I go to paint some craptastic doodle and stare at it in disdain... :D

Oh HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY ART MAJOR!

You never realize how much people influence you until you listen to your own heart, and how the simplest of phrases can push you in the simplest of directions. I mean having someone you've had limited interaction with tell you something that touches your soul makes all of the difference. How your family telling you that it was fate for you to do what you always dreamed of doing. And not only hearing that but going on with the dream. I did that today, with one hour of sleep and the determination of someone who found their dream was within their grasp.

I'm now a Art Major with a Classical Studies Minor. I feel like this is what I always should have done. Why I didn't do it before I haven't a clue but I'm certain that it was meant to be. I have my head brimming with inspiration and ideas that just popped up with my freedom of art. I think that this experience allowed me to pull together and start to make sense of the shit sundae that was and still is my life (sort of).

As I sit here waiting for work to get it's ass here so I can get to sleep. Which is most definitely coming tonight. I'm glad I have people that love enough to tell me to get my head out of my ass, or to support me. Friends are another self. And I believe I found that is the people who inspire me to wake up every morning and get going. It is strange to know that all these people not only know me but love me is strange. Sometimes you can feel so alone and not even realize it. People influence you, and you can never let them get you down.

Learn from my mistakes, because it's impossible for you to make them all yourself. Don't let people tell you that your dreams are worth nothing, and though I still have self image issues. It is true that I can only let what people say affect me. And I was a fool to let it. (Peer Pressure is a bitch sometimes, but so is pop culture)

I don't know where I'm going from here but I'm sure as hell not going to do it alone any more.

Sound the Bugle

I can't sleep. Though this isn't a uncommon thing. This night is heavier. For I stand on the brink, of losing friends, of losing my future. I can't even recall how I got here. I've got nothing left, just an empty heart. I want to go home, I want to never wake up. I want to escape. And though I can make fun of my anger. My sadness over whelms me. I feel as if a large hole has been dug out of my gut. I'm low, and I might as well go lay in the mud. I'm just done. Why can't I just do what I love and not feel guilty for it?

Lions club. Let us start somewhere basic. I am resigning as the 'coordinator' because I feel as if I am the only one contributing to the club, besides the random helping hand from my roommate. So I E-mailed Mike (or parent club rep) and told him that I am peacing out. In much more eloquent words.

Now let us add some complication whip cream to this shit sundae. Most people only see the fat. My Fat. I believe that is why I am so insecure about myself. For years I've listened to teasing and hurtful words. And while people tell me I am silly. (How appropriate to strip down someone's social insecurities into such a down putting phrase.) I feel as if they don't understand, as if their words change everything completely. As if I don't see the people on campus laugh as I walk by, and though I act as if it doesn't effect me. It does, and I am able to bottle it up completely until it boils over to the point where I cling to my friends. And it disgusts me.

Thirdly, my future the lovely cherry a top of this sundae. I don't want to go into Classics for anything. I don't want to be a teacher. I want to be an artist. And I don't know what the fuck I am doing anymore. Art is my life. It keeps me a float. But I don't know why I never got into it as a major. Why didn't I follow my childhood dreams? Why did I do this to myself? Am I just as insecure as with my body? What am I going to do? It kills me not to have a set plan, and while many say that is life. Well I don't know. "How do you plan life?" Well you don't but isn't that what College is about? Planning you life? Knowing what you want to do?

What am I going to do?

I'm still alive.

So swimming at seven in the morning really wakes you up. So I got through it, though my roommate was freezing her butt off. It was fun to swim though and get back int he swing of an actual workout. So I'm back into swimming everyday (hopefully) But I'll be dragging my friends to swim iwth me, so no more solo swimming. I missed swimming a tone, it feels good to be back in it, but there were a ton of people there today. It was crazy.

When it comes to school, I've had the absolutely worse week I could possibly have in my life. My advisor just makes me want to punch her, maybe. But I had a complete break down for the second time this week. Got over it with some book throwing, Ice Cream, Fried Mushrooms and LOTR. But it started earlier this week with Latin and my lack of ability with it. I really have issues translating it and understanding without a book. That Is what gets me really back. Then advising just made me even more angry. So Now I'm attempting to be civil and not talk to this woman. then in class she called out names and made us stay behind to learn how to write a paper. In a very snotty, bitchy way. Well lets just say we're all pissed, at least I know my friend and I are. It was very rude and stupid of her to do that as if we wouldn't get angry. We are all college students, Juniors and SENIORS! We know how to write a god damned paper.

So I think it's safe to say that I could really kill someone right now and just be happy. So I'm going to go get food, print things out and study for Latin. I'm still fuming and can't stand the thought of seeing her now.