Why do I bug myself?

Okay so today was the final critic, for painting....and although I'm really happy about my paintings, and my new (and shiny) major I can't help but wonder. WHERE the hell am I going? What is my goal, if the percentages that M.D. told us today are true. Can I really become a full time artist like I want to? I MEAN I want to but is it a possible thing for me to want to paint and draw and have gallery showings? Although i know my lifetime goal, to own and run a bookshop/cafe. I just have to find my way to that place. I'm going to work my ass off. That I know. But the struggle to move on up seems daunting right now. And it might be the stress of finals, and such but I bug myself about this thing.

I've never be a floater, able to just walked down any path. I'm a set in motion, plan type of girl. Which may seem weird...but I am. I know, that I will be doing so much shite this summer. Hopefully taking an art class at my local Community college, hopefully getting a job and painting and drawing my ass off. But I guess I'm looking in my own head...what do i want to do if I can't be a full time artist? (Because really, I don't want to be a real life Squidward)

So here I am staring at this text thing for my blog and filling it with useless things that my brain sputters out. Sort of like an exhaust pipe. I have photoshop open on a blank file...and NADA. Nope nothing swims to the surface of my mind. But I guess that is life. A lot of people seem to think I need my plans set in stone (including myself) but so many people seem to go with the flow.

Now I'm rambling. My own worries to you poor, poor reader. So here I go to paint some craptastic doodle and stare at it in disdain... :D