So very lonely.

So I found two Gifs that sort of fit myself in an alarming way. I mean, I was up so late last night, day dreaming. Which isn't all that surprising but then I tried to think of how my life would actually go. I want to get my portfolio up and running again. Since I have a new Drawing Tablet that would be easy. So what is there but to really step away from what people think I should do into who I want to be? 

Talking to my friend whom I've know for a decade they pointed out that I seem to cater to everyone else besides myself. I want people to be proud of myself even if I'm not proud of myself. They then proceeded to tell me to pull my head out of my ass and fight for what I want. Which...I'm trying but starting my own business is going to be a challenge, or getting my art out there is going to be a challenge. Getting inspired and staying that way is hard. 

But dude life is hard. This was all pertaining to the first Gif. 

On top of that, I never want to let people down. More over I don't want to crush myself. But I mean if I am to be realistic than I should probably accept that failure is undoubtedly going to occur. Nevertheless, I'm still pulling myself through and up. Getting a job is the first step.

Pull ups.

So here I am, sitting on my bed again. Writing a blog post. I'm home, and graduated. I've been feeling down and out, sort of floaty and lost. Which isn't exactly a great feeling. I mean, I need work and a purpose. But I've been thinking. I'm worrying about things that shouldn't really matter.

IE: Money, the future and tons of other silly things.

I'm not taking that best advice I was ever given. One piece by my Professor M.D. and another is from Neil Gaiman, and the last piece from The Tenth Doctor. Which is not all that surprising. I feel like it will take me time to use this advice, but if I think about it, well it may not be as hard as I thought it was going to be.

First piece, Don't Worry About Money. Marc told me that if I wanted to be actually happy I shouldn't worry about money. It'll come when I need it or I'll get it. It's not the end all be all of my world, and my happiness shouldn't hinge on it. Which I guess to me it does, my life has taught me to attempt to save money anywhere and everywhere. But I guess I need to look past that, I need to be happy working.

Second Piece, Do anything that felt like an Adventure, and stop when it feels like work, so that life never feels like work. I guess doing what you love is what makes you happy, and I should stop when it feels like work. Which I did really when it came to my major is college. All the majors I had before Art felt like work. I felt like I was doing something which, I had no real passion for, and although I loved these majors; except Education, it felt like I was working. As if I was pulling wages at a nine to five job doing something so boring and monotonous that I couldn't keep going. So it seems I do follow that to a point, and need to expand on it.

And lastly, (http://seduff.livejournal.com/10970.html) 10th Doctor Motivational - Words


It's you! 


Oh. you. are. amazing! I love your stuff, what a mind!!


This is magnificent, you're a genius


I've never seen anything like it, and that proves it, absolute genius.


Incredible, you are incredible.


Yes you are,  you're brilliant. 


One more thing, just remember, 


You're gonna be great, You're gonna be more than great


You're gonna be amazing. 


Isn't that right ... 

Friend. 


This fictional character, The Doctor (#10) is the most moving, inspirational character I have even seen. Though he wasn't my first Doctor he is by far, my doctor. The one I love and watch and miss. I love him so much, because he loved the human race, and was so human. He knew that humans were amazing and brilliant and beautiful for all their flaws. And he told me I was going to be something. He was so assured about humans, and their amazing abilities and their hearts that it made me believe in myself. Although I know it was the writers David Tennant brought him to life, and made him a (fiction) person I look up to and love.

So I'm attempting to pull myself up, and get my feet under me. So here we go. One breath at a time.