Breathe just....j-just breathe

So people I haven't talked to in a long while have suddenly popped up. Like ugly reminders of a past I'm trying to forget. Of a me I'm trying to forget. Which is almost impossible, because apparently nostalgia is a disease that never leaves. Indeed it seems that people feel the need to connect with the past, and to people who inhabited that life before now.

I, for the longest time have wanted to leave the me of high school, and even early college behind. Wanting to remove myself completely from that which I had been.Which seems to be very difficult for some people, most of the time I feel as if I am playing a giant role in my own life.

Beyond my anger at these idiotic people from Facebook. I'm graduating in about two weeks. And I don't want to, more because I don't want to go 'home'. I feel more caged and stressed at home than I ever was here at E.C. I wish I had enough money to get an apartment. But I can't. I feel like I'm not ready to graduate. Like I'm not ripe yet. But I don't know. I guess it's stranger that I feel like this campus is my real home and not were my family is. Indeed I feel as if these people, here on campus are bit more my family than my actual family.

In truth I'm scared shitless about this. I don't want to go home and live up to the expectation of certain people, who think if was an idiotic idea to be an art major. Who will do nothing but sit at home, work and be miserable.

But I'm not going to stop being an artist. Even though I won't be able to paint, I'll draw and keep building up my portfolio. Where I will hopefully do something.

This is what I'm going to do, I'm going to keep through things out there into that ocean in little glass bottles and hope that some of them come back with answers.