Sailor Soldiers and The zoo

So it's spring break, and it's already over half over. It's strange I feel that the semester is half gone. It went by very fast and it was very odd. Now I scheduled for summer and fall classes and just about shitting my pants in fear.

The reality that my mid point will be NEXT SUMMER is still sinking in. Where I'll have to show people my work, and tell them "Hey you know this story I've been working on. Well here it is, can I make this my thesis." And they can go "Yes." or "Hella No." and I am completely terrified over the prospect. What the HELL and I going to do? It seems rather odd to be thinking about it. Even when it's about a year away. Jesus. I didn't think that it would be flying by so quickly. But IT IS. WHAT?

Aaaaanyways! I've been having fun of spring break. I have watched an unholy amount of Sailor Moon. Because I am so excited for the new series of it to come out. AH! So excited! But other than that, I went to the zoo yesterday! Woo!

There Bai and I had a ton of fun. Running around from 10 in the morning until about 2. It was exciting. Early in the morning there was almost no one there, and we got to see the seals without a crowd and watched the polar bears wander about eating lettuce and sweet potatoes. The Grizzly bear sisters were just grumps though, never moving while I was there. But they were MASSIVE. We walked a lot of the zoo and then by lunch time, we were contemplating cannibalism, we may or may not have gotten a little turned around and could smell food but not find it. After an over priced lunch we set out again. Did the whole zoo one more time, drew some animals, and basically goofed off. 

The worst part of the day was waiting for our cab, which took two hours because apparently they have the direction sense of a drunk sloth. Sitting outside on the stone wall in the balring sun, I got the weirdest sunburn. Just all oddly placed. It sucked. 

Then the cab driver we got decided he was in Fast and Furious. I'm pretty sure I dislocated something and Bai almost vomited on the window. It was less than pleasant. We were rocketing up hills and the cabbie would throw his hands up int eh air at cars stopping for red lights. I feared for my life. 

But then we got to the diner, and had ice cream. It was a satisfying day topped off with me beating my latest play through of Mass Effect 1 and watching A Very Potter Sequel. 

Before Work

So here I am, sitting on my bed before work. Trying to figure everything out.

I want to get out of Syracuse, I want to get out of New York State. But I have so many hurdles to get over before I can even do that. I mean, I suppose that really I just want out of my parents house. I want to live on my own.

Though that seems forever away, I guess it's time for me to get moving. I'm saving money up, and trying to keep my shit together. Because although I've made it sort of successfully into adult life, the sense of dread that hangs over me is just stifling.  

The breath knocked out of me.

So today, I woke up in a pretty decent disposition. That should have been my first warning, that the day was going down the tubes. In many ways, this was a decent day. I had some good laughs with a friend, talked to some decent people over the phone. But I felt like shit all day, my body all out of wack for the last month or so.

And things are just piling up. Mostly emotional turmoil that I am piling on myself. So much self degradation, and disappointment that most days I feel like my chest is in a steel cage, pinching smaller and smaller like some corset that I can't remove.

This sounds so much like so many other entries I've made. But I feel like I'm slowly slipping down the end of a rope I've been clinging to for so long. People are always saying, "You're not alone in this." that is not comforting from people I don't trust, or are too far from me to really be there. I feel so alone, and trapped.

Trapped in this life that really I never saw myself in. I go to work, I sleep and eat. Really, I want to get out of this God forsaken city. I want to get out and move somewhere, where I can be my own person away from my family. Am I childish, wanting my life to become something I'm proud of? Really? I've been told that I am, for wanting to be happy so early in life. Well then fuck you, because I see no point in working for money only.

But with everything else dragging me down, my depression seemingly getting worse and worse. I hope I can hold on a bit more.

World War Z

The Zombie Apocalypse. The living dead, the horror of shooting your loved-one's face off as they try and eat your flesh. The most gruesome (in my opinion) of any monster created by George Romero.

The latest Zombie craze which has included movies, sayings on merchandise, books, games and has infected (no pun intended) my generation. I am a college student and have found myself talking out zombie plans, useful weapons and other such ideas.It is a pop culture idea that has turned many people into full on Zombie believers.

There are things that make it seem plausible that a Zombie Apocalypse could come about.

1. Brain infection/parasites.
2. Nero-toxins.
3. Viruses (biological mutations or crafted war-fare viruses)

To me seen the most plausible reasons for a zombie apocalypse. These three things can turn one into a mindless flesh eating monster. People have apparently milked this until it was dry. But I was surprised to find two things that caught my eye lately.

The first was a book. Pictured above. by Max Brooks. It is the Oral history of the Zombie War. This book hit me hard enough that it took me a good couple of weeks to actually finish it because in my mind it was so visceral. as an artist I have a painfully realistic imagination. The descriptions of battles, personal and organized by armies made my stomach clench. Brooks captured the horror of personal stories in his volume with few large plot holes that bothered me as a reader. It was surprising that it happened like that. Usually when it comes to Zombie stories, be it movies or video games, there are plot holes so large that I have to plug my ears and look away. It happens more than I wished it would but oh well.

The origin story of Brooks though not clear of the complete origins (unlike some who point at virus or others at Mad-Cow disease) he allowed it to be called "African Rabies" But it is never clear if the zombies were a natural virus that mutated or a brain infection. Another thing Brooks captured, is that Zombies or Zack are so much biological different from us just as they are the same. They Walk, Moan and are generally human looking, but the difference that is pointed out was that they are brains that don't need bodies to really survive. This is seen in Zack's ability to stay on the ocean floor and not be disabled. Unlike a human who would be killed by the pressure.

Brooks' book showed me the true horror of a Zombie War that Hollywood couldn't and wouldn't show me.

Now a video game team comes along and releases a teaser trailer that gives me a taste of that horror that Brooks' book gave me. Dead island is an upcoming video game. Take a look....

Dead Island (Teaser Trailer)