I'm still alive!

Hello! It's been over a year since I posted, and I feel like I should try and post more often.

I'm trying to advance my art and graduate still. I'm doing much better, not in a relationship, and sorta fine with it. Life has moved on, and I've gotten better.

Now, about this blog, Imma try and update it more. Making art is my life now, so I should be adding art to this blog. Along with my life, and my art and stuff.

As of now, I will leave you with this. That I'm alive, and semi-happy. Making my thesis book.

Enjoy my shitty I'm bored comic. (Before you ever see my real art.)

The breath knocked out of me.

So today, I woke up in a pretty decent disposition. That should have been my first warning, that the day was going down the tubes. In many ways, this was a decent day. I had some good laughs with a friend, talked to some decent people over the phone. But I felt like shit all day, my body all out of wack for the last month or so.

And things are just piling up. Mostly emotional turmoil that I am piling on myself. So much self degradation, and disappointment that most days I feel like my chest is in a steel cage, pinching smaller and smaller like some corset that I can't remove.

This sounds so much like so many other entries I've made. But I feel like I'm slowly slipping down the end of a rope I've been clinging to for so long. People are always saying, "You're not alone in this." that is not comforting from people I don't trust, or are too far from me to really be there. I feel so alone, and trapped.

Trapped in this life that really I never saw myself in. I go to work, I sleep and eat. Really, I want to get out of this God forsaken city. I want to get out and move somewhere, where I can be my own person away from my family. Am I childish, wanting my life to become something I'm proud of? Really? I've been told that I am, for wanting to be happy so early in life. Well then fuck you, because I see no point in working for money only.

But with everything else dragging me down, my depression seemingly getting worse and worse. I hope I can hold on a bit more.

This is where I feel at home

So here we are, mostly because I was getting tired of that picture post. It was stupid and mostly done out of laziness.

I've been employed and will be starting work on Monday. Which is a good thing. Money is always good. So my issues with being a bum are over. I still am terribly lonely. Having but one friend where I live is horrible. And realizing I'm not going back to E.C. was a painful realization. It's scary frankly. Not getting ready, not being excited to see the people I consider family. Knowing it's going to be a long time before I get to hug any of them. Or have demented conversations with them.

I've never actually felt this lonely before. I'm so good at socializing and making friends usually. But something about having not been here for about four years, makes me feel like the new kid a school again. I'm awkward and just silent.

It'll be worse on Monday. But what can I do?

So
job (check)
friends (a single check) [[and I love her for still being my friend]]
Happiness

I'll get there. Hopefully. I mean, there is always surprisingly hope.


“If you know someone who’s depressed please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation, depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest and best things you will ever do.”
— Stephen Fry

To all my friends.

Flawed.

So when life gets tough...grab a sledge hammer.

Actually I am getting a little frustrated. I have photoshop, but my old tablet bucket the kickit. So I'm thinking about buying myself a bamboo tablet from Wacom. I loved using my old one to doodle and draw. It think I might be able to paint better than with my mouse. So I'm going to run it by the parental units and then we'll see.

On another hand. It's Thursday and I have no classes today, and my later Fassette date with a friend. So I'm passing time by writing and doing things that aren't really that fancy. It's all fun and such.

But video art is going horribly so I'm going to pop out a couple videos here soon, one a cooking video another as a time lapse video of me painting. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully great. >.>

The basics, of my religion.

So what I'm giving you today is a run down of paganism and wicca, though I am not wicca as I don't follow the reed I will still cover it.

Now there is a popular saying that if you ask ten pagans what their religion is you'll get ten different answers, and this is true. Not one pagan is alike in their thoughts about the religion. There are dozens of different wicca and pagan groups in the U.S. today.

But first thing is first, there is no 'bible' for wicca/paganism nor a governing body. Though there is some ideals that transfer from one wicca/pagan to the next. Pagan's come from all walks of life, and don't have a certain look or way about them. Anyone you know can be pagan, and they all have their own reasons.

Since the religion doesn't recruit it may be hard to find a group in your area to ask about. So just be brave and ask about, find a show that sells incense and other things and chance is you'll find a pagan.

Now in traditional customs one would train for a year and a day, though as a solitary I did this, sort of. Since I could not completely train myself I read as many book s a possible. However if you find a coven don't think you know more, because in truth you don't.

The belief and use of magic is a staple within paganism, and is a pillar in the religion. The belief is that magic is not supernatural at all, but a natural thing in every persons life.

Be pagan does not mean you embrace the concepts of sin, heaven or hell, the evils of sex or nudity, confession, Satanism, animal sacrifice, or the inferiority of women. Paganism is a religion of self expression through a religious practice.

There are basic beliefs that go through every form of paganism, harm none, respect other's religions, The divine is everywhere in nature and us, the divine has both a male and female part, you are responsible for your own actions, and Holidays are based on the turning of the earth and the cycle of the seasons.

Now for an alter

On your personal Altar you should have the following;

An Altar Cloth (Center and Vail) – This helps to separate you from the mundane table. Black is good to absorb unwanted or extra energy.

A Censor (East and Air) – This helps to contain the smudge or incense that you use in the ritual or ceremony.

An Athame (South and Fire) – This helps you direct energy in ritual space.

A bowl of Water (West and Water) - This helps to hold the charged or blessed water.

A container of Sea Salt (North and Earth) – This helps to contain the Sea Salt.

A Pentagram Paton (Center and Spirit) – This helps for centering energies in ritual and charging tools for ritual.

Use Sage incense when in ritual. It’s a good basic incense to use because it helps to keep negative energies away.

Below is an example of how I set up my alter.




1 A bowl of salt
2 A bowl of water
3 A hand made small dish with jasmine oil for air.
4 A Candle
5 Is a stone box with a pentacle.
6 A goddess statue
7 A god statue
8 A wand
9 A athame
10 Twine for knot magic

This picture is my alter at college, the only picture I could find. There is no candle or athame, as I am not allowed to have those at school.

There are tons of books to read, and understand at bookstores and libraries. So read before doing anything. That is the point.

PeAcE

Day 13

Well finals are over and now I am home. I've been catching up on some Z's and now feel ready to get back to having fun.

Though I believe that being home sucks, A) because I do not have a bed B)Because of my mother and C) there is absolutely nothing to do. But I'm doing pretty well, having watch the Princess and the Frog three times, the dark knight and the Doctor Who marathon and new season first ep.

Which now I have the urge to try fish sticks and custard. :) Which though seems gross I have a feeling would be completely delicious at the same time. But I am strange like that.

You know this updating one every week or so seems better I have much more to talk about.

I'm going to soon check my grades and hopefully have at least a 3.0 GPA. I need it! But you know, I don't know I did try quite hard this term. But now on to third term and archeology. Which is going to be full of dirt and sunburns. Well not bad sunburns I hope, my skin couldn't take it.

I cannot wait until free comic book day, I am dressing up as Delirium from the Sandman comics, and two of my other friends are going to be Death and Dream. Totally golden man!