Sound the Bugle

I can't sleep. Though this isn't a uncommon thing. This night is heavier. For I stand on the brink, of losing friends, of losing my future. I can't even recall how I got here. I've got nothing left, just an empty heart. I want to go home, I want to never wake up. I want to escape. And though I can make fun of my anger. My sadness over whelms me. I feel as if a large hole has been dug out of my gut. I'm low, and I might as well go lay in the mud. I'm just done. Why can't I just do what I love and not feel guilty for it?

Lions club. Let us start somewhere basic. I am resigning as the 'coordinator' because I feel as if I am the only one contributing to the club, besides the random helping hand from my roommate. So I E-mailed Mike (or parent club rep) and told him that I am peacing out. In much more eloquent words.

Now let us add some complication whip cream to this shit sundae. Most people only see the fat. My Fat. I believe that is why I am so insecure about myself. For years I've listened to teasing and hurtful words. And while people tell me I am silly. (How appropriate to strip down someone's social insecurities into such a down putting phrase.) I feel as if they don't understand, as if their words change everything completely. As if I don't see the people on campus laugh as I walk by, and though I act as if it doesn't effect me. It does, and I am able to bottle it up completely until it boils over to the point where I cling to my friends. And it disgusts me.

Thirdly, my future the lovely cherry a top of this sundae. I don't want to go into Classics for anything. I don't want to be a teacher. I want to be an artist. And I don't know what the fuck I am doing anymore. Art is my life. It keeps me a float. But I don't know why I never got into it as a major. Why didn't I follow my childhood dreams? Why did I do this to myself? Am I just as insecure as with my body? What am I going to do? It kills me not to have a set plan, and while many say that is life. Well I don't know. "How do you plan life?" Well you don't but isn't that what College is about? Planning you life? Knowing what you want to do?

What am I going to do?

I'm still alive.

So swimming at seven in the morning really wakes you up. So I got through it, though my roommate was freezing her butt off. It was fun to swim though and get back int he swing of an actual workout. So I'm back into swimming everyday (hopefully) But I'll be dragging my friends to swim iwth me, so no more solo swimming. I missed swimming a tone, it feels good to be back in it, but there were a ton of people there today. It was crazy.

When it comes to school, I've had the absolutely worse week I could possibly have in my life. My advisor just makes me want to punch her, maybe. But I had a complete break down for the second time this week. Got over it with some book throwing, Ice Cream, Fried Mushrooms and LOTR. But it started earlier this week with Latin and my lack of ability with it. I really have issues translating it and understanding without a book. That Is what gets me really back. Then advising just made me even more angry. So Now I'm attempting to be civil and not talk to this woman. then in class she called out names and made us stay behind to learn how to write a paper. In a very snotty, bitchy way. Well lets just say we're all pissed, at least I know my friend and I are. It was very rude and stupid of her to do that as if we wouldn't get angry. We are all college students, Juniors and SENIORS! We know how to write a god damned paper.

So I think it's safe to say that I could really kill someone right now and just be happy. So I'm going to go get food, print things out and study for Latin. I'm still fuming and can't stand the thought of seeing her now.

Midterm Break

So I'm back to being addicted to everything Glee, Mike/Kurt Fanfiction is my vice right now. But other than that, it is Midterm break here at E.C. and this lets me not have an anxiety attack every three minutes. So now I'm waiting for my parents to come here and visit me.

On another note, I'm still reading Harry Potter, but I've made it half way through book 2. With help from my friends (They Read to Me) and well I find that I don't hate it as much as I used to. It used to be my least favorite book, now I seem to like it more. Although Gilderoy Lockhart is still a giant bag of douche.

How someone didn't smack him in the face (though Snape whipping his ass across the room during dueling club still makes me giddy like a school girl) I'll never know. And Dobby just grates on my nerves, but I understand how important he is to the story. Much like Gollum , I hate him but I understand why he is in the story in the first place.

Other Wise my life is pretty good, I have to write two papers. Which frankly won't take long (I hope) and well that is about it. All I must do during break is study Latin which allows me to make stupid and cheesy Harry Potter Jokes. That makes me wonder, was there a Latin class in Hogwarts. Because that would have been REALLY helpful don't you think. I think so, since their spell work is based in Latin.

I can't go to pigfarts! It's ON Mars.

SO I'm pretty pumped up. I get my paycheck soon and it's gonna be nice and big (according to me...I'm poor okay.) and I can't wait to buy a few things. I mean I'm buying two A Very Potter Musical Shirts :D which pump me up but them I don't know what else I should by....just one more thing. >.> So I've been hopping around amazon.com and I'm getting a Sunnydale High School Shirt LOL! It's pretty bank. But Now I must step away before I convince myself that I don't need it. But I REALLY WANT THEM!! But I save the rest of my money. :) It's easier that way. But That is about it.


I had one of my radio shows today and well it was fun we did the safety dance. :D But no one saw us. But it was fun. Now all I have to do is translate Latin and go to work.

What is Time?

So I've had a ton of thinking time and I just want to know. What makes time pass, what is it measured in? I mean is it the tress that change...or how about that papers you write? I just can't understand it. Because I've been at school for almost a month and I can't seem to comprehend that time is passing so quickly.I really don't want it to.

But I guess it just I don't want time to go quickly. I don't want the seniors to graduate and I don't want to be a senior myself. Because truthfully I'm scared of the future and where I will go? I'm very insecure and it doesn't help at all with anything.

But on the other hand I still haven't really figured anything out. Other than how to exhaust myself. But well that won't help me really.

Peace out.

The Sketchbook Project. and some world news.

So I really have been doing some serious Internet surfing. And well my friend shoed me this which is pretty bank.

It is the Sketchbook project, and it allows regular people to be an artist in a museum (sort of)!



So what is this whole dealo? Well you sign up on the website (Up there ^) and for a mere 25 dollar they send you a small sketch book that you can fill based on a theme that you choose, or that they randomly choose for you. Then you send it back by a certain date and it's put in the art library, where you may track your book and then go visit the exhibits and see others. I think it's pretty cool.

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There is a article on Cnn.com that is about world hunger, and since this is quite an important issue to me I opened it.

The U.N. (That's the United Nations) says that the people still suffering from chronic hunger is unacceptable. Even with the large drop from 1.023 billion hungry to
925 million, there is still someone dying every few minutes, heck even seconds. Even though people help it is far from enough, and with food prices once again raising it may cause a problem and increase in the number of people starving.

Here are some facts from the article.

Among the study's key findings were:
• Two thirds of undernourished people live in just seven countries -- India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indonesia, China, the Democratic Republic of Congo and Ethiopia.
• The region with the most undernourished people continues to be Asia and the Pacific, with 578 million.
• But the proportion of undernourished people remains highest in sub-Saharan Africa -- at 30 percent in 2010, or 239 million.

The Article

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On the Harry Potter rereading I'm doing! I forgot so much stuff!!! I was like HOLY CRAP WHAT DID THOSE MOVIES DO TO ME!! D: But well it's good to get back to the roots, and even though I know whats going to happen I still feel myself getting pulled into the story and characters all over again. It's a great feeling, and it helps me get away from my school work sometimes. So...yeah! Now I have to go to class!

Love, PEACE, and chicken Grease.

Adriane.

Harry Potter And the Sorcerer's Stone

So I'm re-reading the first Harry Potter book. Because apparently I have been tainted by the movies and the amount of fanfiction I have read. My view of actual canon had been skewed. So viola I am reading the first.

And whoa! Total reason to love my college it was in their library along with like every awesome book (though the Twilight monster was present) I was too excited to get Harry Potter, but I spied Petter Rabbit and I was like! HECK YEAH! I don't doubt that Lord of the Rings is up there too. But I was like doing the happy dance. YEAH! Harry Potter fest. And they have all of the moves and books. though I'm going to be avoiding the movies. Unless I want to Ogle over Alan Rickman,
(now that's a man) and possibly Radcliffe.

But I'm going back to my roots to try and well ya know get in touch with my love of the original characters. And work my way back up to the seventh book. Then I don't know I may attempt the twilight monster like my sister wants me to. >.> But I still have to read the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings first. (It's Hobbit Forming!! sorry blame my father)

<3 bad puns