I'm a fangirl

My life, more recently has revolved around my issues and well fictional characters. Their triumphs and defeats make my life seem so ordinary and I suppose it is, but I am a fangirl. Not in the sense where I tack 'desu' at the end of every word, or that I ship so hard my brain explodes. But it has happened before.

My discovery of I guess the extreme fan base sort of started like this, and has kept me swimming in it.

I won't lie and say I dove right into great fandomship. I did write a few Mary-Sue fanfictions but I'm sure everyone has, and read a good amount of shit on fanfiction.net. But soon (with the help of key friends, you know who you are) I was diving head first into straight fanfiction that began my shipping battles, which ended as quickly as they came because really fighting over fictional characters is boring to me.  

Though most of my childhood, and adolescence was spent in this type of state.

I ended up a different person, though I still carry the baggage today. I dropped many of my hetero-ships though I still claim a few, like Neville/Luna, I moved to slash and now write it. I have a good following on one site where I write crossovers and have way too much fun with Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

Beyond all of that being a fangirl is more than writing fanfics or drawing fan art. It's about being excited over things that some people would scoff at. Such as hearing Snape whisper "Trust me" before the doe appears in Deathly Hallows pt 1. 

And even better beyond that, it has helped me develop into someone I love being, beyond my image issues. It made me smart, literate and creative. Being involved with these fandoms have given me a base in which to express myself which, in turn has spread far beyond the fandoms and into my own life. 

My childhood was built around these fandoms, and allowed me to change myself in better ways. Anita Blake tought me to be strong (before the series turned into an HBO special), Harry Potter taught me to choose between what is right and what is easy, Frodo Baggins taught me to be strong in the face of the darkest things, Aang taught me to have fun, The Doctor told me I was extraordinary and Xander, dear dear Xander taught me to love without reining myself in. 

I know being called a fangirl has some other things attached to it. Weird obsessed girls who talk about only that and will shove it into any conversation, and I have met one of those, but I feel like it is a large stereotype that can't be broken until we, ourselves break it. 

So fuck it.

I'm a fangirl, I giggle as stupid things, I poke and squee over Zuko statues. I crank the volume to hear Snape. I love Loki's anguish. 

But I'm a student (a senior) in college, I'm an aunt. And the sad thing is.

All my friends and family are fangirls/boys too.

Day MADE

As of today I am accepted into SMFA Boston. Me, who thought I was going to sit by and cry for ever and work at McDonalds. I plan on going, I plan on getting my masters and becoming a prof. much like the one who made me realize that art is my one true love.

Now...I was going to tell you a bit bout this guy, but here learn for yourself

http://www.marcdennis.com/ .

If I know anything, I know this. Only from studying under him did I make it here. He pushed me, and shoved me in directions I wouldn't have gone without him. And I thank him for that.

But for now, I'm going to rejoyce and party it up.

Because bitches. I know where I'm going and I know where I've been.

What is Time?

After listening to Billy Porter's song, Time I feel so helpless and down trodden. Every time I think everything is basically stable in some sort of way, I get sucker punched and I crumble. The stress of Senior year is wearing on me, and I don't know how much more I can stand without falling apart completely. I'm supposed to be happy, and even though I'm not I wish my friends were. But they are suffering through the exact same thing as me and I just wish I had never come to this school. That I had never wasted so much of my money on something that may not even get me anywhere. Art isn't exactly a flourishing place for new comers to just hop into.

I have the passion, the love of my work, the feeling of brush on canvas, pencil on paper. But I don't know if that is enough. There are so many artists out there who art great, people I know who have flopped and fallen on their faces.

Dear Lord what am I going to do? I'm going to be stuck at a minimum wage job the rest of my life, my college education giving me nothing but the ability to paint pretty things and identify ancient things. Without much else I'm going to be working at a dead end job.

Confucius said "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

I found something I love, but I'm so unsure of my ability to find a job in that field. I hate being so unsure, so scared. I don't remember being this scared coming out of High School, I have no idea why. But it scares me shitless.

I don't want to be a dead beat.

So when life gets tough...grab a sledge hammer.

Actually I am getting a little frustrated. I have photoshop, but my old tablet bucket the kickit. So I'm thinking about buying myself a bamboo tablet from Wacom. I loved using my old one to doodle and draw. It think I might be able to paint better than with my mouse. So I'm going to run it by the parental units and then we'll see.

On another hand. It's Thursday and I have no classes today, and my later Fassette date with a friend. So I'm passing time by writing and doing things that aren't really that fancy. It's all fun and such.

But video art is going horribly so I'm going to pop out a couple videos here soon, one a cooking video another as a time lapse video of me painting. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully great. >.>

The Magic of Insomnia

The magic on insomnia has taken over my life and now I'm trying desperately to pull something back into my life. I have so much to do and it seems like I don't have enough time to do it.

3 Paintings due on Monday, I need to begin My Video Art Projects, Forensic Science Test on Monday and just a bunch of shit I really don't want to do. And on top of that My reading list for my other blog is now up to Twilight...I'm seven chapters in and I have to say it's pleasantly mind numbing.

But mostly I'm like...

while all of the fangirls are like....

SO back I go to pull myself through a few more chapters at this ungodly hour.

A Letter to Me at 17

Adriane,

Stop being so angry, and try to be happy. I know that being evicted is hard but you’ll pull through. Syracuse will be one of the best things that happen to you. But try to get a job and be happy when you realize that your life isn’t really that hard. Save up money and help you Mom as much as you can with gas money.

When you get into college, follow your heart. Art is your love, but always go through anything that tickles your fancy. You got so much going for you, and you’re going to go on and do some great things. Don’t shut people out, and be glad when someone waves at you. And when you meet Rachel hug her as much as you can, she really needs it. Always give people the benefit of the doubt.

Hug everyone as much as you can, because you’re going to figure out what it is to love. Tiz needs a good waking up before you leave, but let him go it’ll be okay. Jasper will need you, don’t ignore his texts when you’re busy. Try and visit Rosey as muh as you can.

You need to thank Mrs.Flannery and Mr.Boyer they helped you so much. Find Mr.Tomidi and hug the stuffing outta that man. Because you never know where life is going to take you, writing is one of your biggest loves. They helped you build up that love.

Try not to be so mad at everything and defensive, I know a lot of people based on track record have fail miserably in the area of treating you great. Don’t play it safe! But don’t be stupid. Playing it safe never helped anyone get anywhere.

It’ll be okay, these aren’t the best days of your life. But I guess I’ll see you in the mirror here soon. I wish you’d work out, and eat healthier. I wish you would take school a little less seriously, and have more fun. I wish you put yourself out there. I wish you would follow your dreams before it’s too late. I wish you’d learn about cooking more. I wish you’d take some serious classes senior year.

Don’t worry about finding a guy, he’ll wander on in sometime. He’ll see the diamond sparkling in there and cherish you. That will be worth waiting for, and you are beautiful. Don’t brush off someone who tells you so. Hug Jason by the way, he really needs it. Augie will be moving soon, try to keep up with him.

So no fear, chin up. Be happy. But don’t worry about me, because hey you’ll know me soon enough. Have some faith. Give God a chance to poke into your life.

Love, Adriane.

P.S. Go hug Danielle Overland the first chance you get.

My Own Biscuits

So I woke up this New Years day to cook. Brunch seemed like the thing to do for my family so I got to work. First I picked one of my mother's cookbooks and searched for a biscuit recipe. And well I ended up throwing that monstrosity out and making up the recipe I am now going to show you.

Ingredients

3 cups of flour ( add more as needed)
4 Tsp of Baking Powder
1/4 Tsp of Baking Soda
2/4 Tsp of kosher salt
4 Tbs of Buttermilk Powder
2 Tbs of Butter
1 Tbs of Shortening
1 Cup of Water

Step 1
Preheat the Oven to 400 Degrees

Step 2
Mix all of the dry products into a large mixing bowl, until well combined

Step 3
Then take the butter and shortening and combine it with the dry products until it resembles course crumbs.

Step 4
In the center of the dry products make a well and then pour the water into it and mix well. If at this time it is too water add more flour until it before more dough like.

Step Five
On a flat clean surface, sprinkled with flour roll out dough until it is around a half inch thick and place them on a greased cookie sheet. (Sil pads may also be used)

Step Six
Place in over for 15 to 20 minutes until golden on top.

Step Seven (Optional)
Remove the pan and with a small brush spread melted butter on the top of the fresh biscuits.




Now what I made with this was grave with breakfast sausage. Which is simple. Here is what my mother taught me.

What you will need:

A pound of breakfast sausage
Around a cup of flour, I eye balled it.
Some Milk
Cornstarch

Step One
Brown the meat in the pan.

Step 2
Take the flour and sprinkle it in, letting it cook into the meat.

Step 3
Add the milk until the sausage float as the top, don't over fill. (look at picture)

Step 4
If the mixture doesn't thicken nicely, take around 1/4 a cup of milk and add around two tsp of cornstarch and add a little by little until it is thick enough. REMEMBER that it will thicken as it cools.

Serve over Biscuits.