I'm still alive!

Hello! It's been over a year since I posted, and I feel like I should try and post more often.

I'm trying to advance my art and graduate still. I'm doing much better, not in a relationship, and sorta fine with it. Life has moved on, and I've gotten better.

Now, about this blog, Imma try and update it more. Making art is my life now, so I should be adding art to this blog. Along with my life, and my art and stuff.

As of now, I will leave you with this. That I'm alive, and semi-happy. Making my thesis book.

Enjoy my shitty I'm bored comic. (Before you ever see my real art.)

All you need is...

Listen to this; this morning I shuffled around my apartment like a wounded animal. I was hungry, but not hungry. I was sleepy but not. I did my class work and sat silently on the floor for a few hours, cooling mug of mint tea in one hand. I was so lonely, am so lonely. I've stayed in my room watching people love their lives. Even now, I cannot seem to find it in me to be happy.

The weird thing is I'm doing all I ever dreamed of. If you told me if be living in San Fran. a year ago I would have laughed in your face. I should be happy! I should be exploring things. But here I am watching You've Got Mail and Finding Mr.Destiny wishing that was me. 

But it's not. I know I'm not the most out going or even social creature.

 (｡-_-｡) 

Really I'm just a stick in the mud. I can't interact with anyone very well any longer. I fear that part of me may be broken forever. 

The one thing I want more than anything is love. I want to love and be loved in return. In a romantic sense. But every relationship I've had was me giving, and them taking. At the time it felt like love, but looking back I can see it wasn't. 

Being social is hard for me and I don't understand how people can put themselves out there. 

So much of what I read reminds me of other peoples lives. When really shouldn't it be mine I think of? But it's not. I'm a socially awkward otaku. Though that term is used to mean many things. To me it means outsider. I'm outside everyone. Really it feels like I'm in a bubble. Watching as everyone goes through amazing things while I sit back and go "Wow I want to do that!"  But never having the guts to do it.

I'm lonely. And scared. I'm not sure. 

And here we are...again

So I've applied at my dream job, won't say where. But I'm very excited. I wouldn't have done so at all, if it weren't for my friend...probably one of the few I call Best Friend. She basically talked me into it over an Instant Message conversation. She really does help me, which is awesome and fun.

But...

Beyond that, I'm still jobless and bored out of my head. This whole being stuck in my house for a long time is getting to me, coupled with my lack of money means I really can't do anything besides chill at the duck pond and feed birds corn. Which, contrary to popular belief gets boring really quick, or dangerous depending on if you are feeding the Swan lettuce. 

So now I've taken to watching things on Netflix, and writing/chatting. I have five days until my parents leave me and go to Colorado for three weeks, which I am insanely jealous about by the way. So I'll be home alone, no transport because as of right now, I lack a license and the car will be gone anyways. So I have a feeling I will be gaming and watching movies. Which though not boring, is more boring when you do it alone, and I won't bother my only friend too much during this time. She has her own life or table top gaming. (which I don't do) 

So I'm waiting for call backs, which I don't know if that will happen. I have to send out my portfolio to California. Then it'll be golden. Still freaking out, it'll be okay, I just have to breathe. O.O